Happy Birthday!

Tuesday marked my 6 month anniversary of being a mother.
It was also the day that Afton turned 6 months old.
What a coincidence. :-)
As I sit here and listen to her trying to sing herself awake with her foot in her mouth, I can't help but smile.
What a joyful journey this has been.

Have their been days that I wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear?
Yes.
Have their been days where I could not wait for her next nap?
Absolutely.
Even in the midst of those difficult and tiring days she brought so many smiles to my face.

Some days she wears me completely out.
It's 5 o'clock. Todd is on his way home.
I still haven't had a shower and the only food in my stomach is a cookie or a slice of cheese.
She is supposed to be going down for a nap.
Instead, she is singing to her foot.
Before I have a chance to hop in and out of the shower she grows tired of singing to her foot and starts screaming her head off.
She does not want to nap.
What a surprise.
I am unbelievably frustrated.
I smell.
I havent' even brushed my teeth.
We've been awake for almost 9 hours and I am still in my pajamas, and it is not because I want to be!
I peek in to see just how mad she is and it's apparent that this is going to be very difficult.
I peer over the side of her bed and...
I get the biggest, most beautiful smile.
It's contagious.
I am then smiling from ear to ear, despite my frustration.

She is stubborn.
She is beautiful.
She is mine.

Most days are not like that.
Most days we wake and eat and play.

Most days are incredibly happy and fun.

She is such a happy baby.
I am a happy mama.

Would I trade the frustrating days for a day without her?
Not a chance.

Time for quiet

There's something about the quiet that beckons me to sit and sip on hot tea, despite the mess of a house surrounding me.
Maybe it's because the quiet moments are so few and far between that I am in desperate need of time to sit with only my thoughts to keep me company.
That's something about having your first baby, that no matter how many times you've been told, you can not understand until it's upon you.
I don't miss the long hot showers or the uninterrupted sleep.
I don't miss the ability to stay out late or watch a movie in a theater.
I don't miss the time freedom or relaxing evenings.
I don't even really miss the hours of alone time with my husband.
I have adjusted to our new life.
We are a family of 3 now.
We make it work, and it works well.
Todd and I find time.
We still go out, even if it's a little more difficult.
What I miss is time for myself.
Only me and my thoughts.
I didn't realize how important they were to my well being until recently.
Up until lately, I have been filling the quite in the house with chores that were undone and fun projects that I wanted to do.
I filled the quiet with a shower and hair and make-up.
Dinner.
TV.
A book.
I have always filled the quiet.
I believe this has hurt me.
My patience is shorter.
My compassion and grace less.
I believe this is because I have filled the quiet moments.

One a day.
I will take one quite moment a day to just sit and be.
An experiment.
I believe this will be good for me.
Good for my family.

They need me at my best and that is what I desire to give to them.
One a day.